Diary of a Mad Dog

Waiting on the new granddaughter to arrive.....taking her time!

Well, what can I bitch about today?  LOTS......starting with yesterday....

Come home yesterday, of which the weather was sizzling, but I'm sure in no comparison to your 106 degrees..but, none the less, came home to a mess on the porch and house bc Phillip had Taylor overnite.  And of course he doesn't know how to pick things up....
Come into the house, I swear steam was rising thru the walls and floors.  no dogs.  Then I got worried bc the back door was open and thought  they may have escaped.  But no, my answer was in the kitchen, they had a garbage party.  No one bothered to put the trash out, so they feasted on leftovers.  Had to sweep and vacuum and mop,  meanwhile sweating my balls off,  if I had some. 
Had an hours worth of paperwork and downloads to do for my job......of which I was already exhausted. All I wanted to do was lay down and take a nap.  The only positive thing was I was by myself yesterday afternoon and its a good thing no one was home, bc you might have seen me on the news.  

Then today, started off very well.  Was happy, in a good mood....but for some reason I turned all Jekyll and Hyde. I started thinking about the email I got from what was my friend Courtney last week.  The more I thought about it, the madder I got.  It  just grated on my last nerve all morning.  Don't know why,  Delayed reaction maybe.  Then I was nasty as all get out to Gary, took all my anger and frustration out on him.  And I kept telling him I was sorry, but kept doing it.  Finally he told me he wasn't going to talk to me until I was in a better mood and apologized.  Of which I did later and explained to him why, but still haven't heard from him.  It rained literally ALL DAY.   Not the sprinkles you can run thru, but raining buckets.  Not only did I have to drive in it all day, I had to run into each store.  Sat more in my car than working.  And the area was in is one I am not fond of.....the trail, need I explain?  Not just the trail, but every dothead rinky dink convenience store from I-4 to Sandlake.  Honestly, they are not as bad as I make them....but, they are messy, dirty and hot bc they never use the a/c and it always smells like curry.  Last week I was in one, and got so sick to my stomach I had to run out to my car and just sit in the a/c.  They are just trying to make a living too....but they never abide by the contract they sign, then you ask them about it, they always have an excuse.  Meanwhile, they are buying their stuff from Sam's or Costco, which is against the contract rules, but you cant prove it. 
Finally, I got a break, my DM on the Gatorade side wanted me to go help w/a reset, which was fine.....got my mind off things and gave me a chance to get out of the rain.  
SO, I'm on my way home, got to stop at the store and buy milk, as usual......go to the Aldi store, reach to get a quarter, bc they charge for a shopping cart.  Guess what?  Phillip took all my change and the last dollar I had in the car this past weekend while I was gone...should I be surprized?  Why would it be any different?  I would love right now just to pack my bags and say, I'm outta here.  But running away is not the answer, but seething in my anger isn't either.   I am out of patience and things to say to Phillip.....I pray every morning for God to take the anger and bitterness out of my heart.....everytime I see him I just want to beat the shit out of him. What bothers me is that he seems to have no conscience about the things he does. He seems to think its alright to just take money from me and pawn my things. Why would anyone treat someone like that?  I just don't understand? Is it not enough I go out of my way to help him and always, without fail, I get kicked in the ass?  What the hell lesson am I learning?

I can only look forward to this next week, as I will be on vacation.  I hope the hell I can at least get the chance  to get away from here.  I need it desperately. 
So, we are both experiencing our own kinds of frustrations.....hopefully, they will amend themselves....

OMG!!!  I just have so much to write....I don't even know where to begin....

First off, I don't remember ever being this happy with a person my entire life...I have never been so open and trusting with a person to tell him my most innermost secrets that were buried deep inside.  I feel like he is my soul mate, although I don't believe in soulmates, or love at first site, but there is a connection between us that is unexplainable to me.  Never in a million years would I have ever expected to feel this way.  Before, it was always just a fling,  someone to see who I could use for whatever. I never wanted to settle down, I wanted my space, my time.  I did things that would benefit me most  out of a realationship.  I can actually see us growing old together...
Once again, God is awesome!!
Which brings to mind one of my studies I read the other day..

Proverbs 29:18
Where there is no vision, the people persish..

The whole lesson was about having a great vision for your life.  A purpose that inflames your heart with a flame.  Or do you take the attitude you live your life with  every day being miserable?   It goes on to say that as we develop vision, we discover pupose for our lives.  If we lack vision, says the Bible, we perish.  Though we do not die physcially, we  are part of the walking dead who view life as no meaning.  Vision gives us significance, value, and meaning to our very existance.  As Christians, we need to seek God's vision for our lives. We are not free to chose our own, we have been bought with a price.  We have a Master and Lord to serve.  If you lack vision in your life, pray that God would reveal to you His vision for you. Ask Him to show you how you fit into His overall puropose, to spread the gospel to those who need to hear it. Then adopt his vision for you as your own. 

I had some issues of drama this week.....but, ya know....I just have come to the conclusion I don't have the time or patience to be drawn into drama at this moment in time. 

It all started w/my best friend while I was on the Home Depot side.  We all as reps had our ways to screw the system...one of our tricks was for me to get in early, clock us both in, so that way, we could leave early and not be stuck there all afternoon.  Sometimes, I would leave early, and Courtney would then stay and clock us both out.  Or, if I was at the HD down the street, I would just come home for the day.  But, our work was always done, and I never left the others unless we had completed our work..   Well, she got mad the other day about something that Gary said to her, she wanted to go home, and asked Gary ( our boss and my new love) if she could go home but stay clocked in to the store and come back later. He told her no, that she wasn't with me anymore, that he knew about what we did, that I clocked her in all the time.  He was joking, he knew anyway, bc I told him the things we all did when we were there, but, its not like he didn't know anyway.  He just never   admitted it.   She went all ballastic, wrote me a scathing e-mail telling me to F*k you, F*k this, that she didn't care and didn't need friends like me anymore.  That I told Gary everything and she couldn't trust me.   Ya know, I'm not gonna lie about things, ya, I told him, it doesn't matter now, the job ends in October anyway.   Its not  like Gary is gonna fire anybody.   It really hurt my feelings alot  that someone could be that nasty, especially after you have spent the last year working together, and you really considered that person a very good friend and did things together with outside of work. And shared alot of personal info with them....but, I am not a person to beg, I am who I am, and if your going to treat me like a piece of shit, then I can cut you out of my life with no regrets about it.   I am sorry to lose the friendship, and I know it will be hard for Gary to work with her bc he feels bad.  But, its not his fault.   Which brings me to the other lesson I learned the other day.....I was kinda crying about it, and I just happened to flip to a lesson I read a month ago, and it all made sense to me. 

Who are  your friends? 
1 Corninthians 15:33

Be not mislead, "Bad company corrupts good character." 

We are all influenced by each other, and our ideas, thoughts and even mannerisms are shaped by the people around us. Who we chose as friends is critical in terms of who we ultimately become.  Choosing godly friends will build us up in the faith and help us to become godly. Conversely, choosing ungodly friends will pull us down.  We can be good friends with the ungodly inasmuch as we attempt to be gracious witnesses to them, but certainly we cannot, as children of God, take our cues from them.   Don't be mislead: Bad company corrupts good character. Commit to choosing your friends and associates carefully, even prayfully. 

And of course, no week is complete without drama from Phillip... he got fired from his job, for what, I don't know.  I have been loaning him money for gas and cigarettes for the last month until he got back on his feet....all the while him promising to pay me back....which of course, never happens.  I came home yesterday, and I found my charm holder laying on my chair.  Knowing full and good well, a while back, I had taken my gold jewelry and charms, what little I have, but of which have great sentimental value to me bc they were given to me by people who mean something to me.....and hid them on a shelf in my room....my heart dropped to the floor, and I prayed my instincts were wrong.  But, no, I checked, they were gone.....I called Phillip, and of course he denied it.....what else is he gonna say?  I have no proof, only know what my gut tells me.....he's pawned my tools before, so he will stoop to pawn my jewelry.. I hate to be confronted with the feelings of contempt I have now......but, I am so angry that he could even think  to do something like that!  I can forgive, I won't forget, and my feelings of motherly love have now turned to disgust towards him.....I think he knows better than to come home.  I now am done with him.....he sealed his fate.....and one day I am comforted by the thought he will have to account his misdeeds to God.....

so this is the book of the good, bad and ugly for the week.....there is no place else to go but up....

Psalm 139:1-6 / 23-24

Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether;
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It us high, I cannot attain it.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

OLIVIA HAS DECIDED SHE WANTS A DOG???  WTF??? IS HER BIOLOGICAL CLOCK TICKING?
AN ENGLISH BULLDOG TO BOOT???

Interesting thought from todays readings...

A test of true Christian love:
Do you help those who can't help you in return?

So, as another bright and shiny weekend is here.... the sun is actually out. 
And its actually quite muggy and buggy....might have to break down and turn on the a/c

I feel like I should be doing something instead of sitting around trolling on the puter.  Seems like such a waste. 
I got all caught up on the mountain of laundry yesterday. The new machine got quite a workout..

I got up and fixed myself a nice vegetable omlete with some fried potatoes and garlic bread.  Guess I can forget about trying to eat healthly, nothing says luvin like fried foods and ice cream!  LOL
Then spent an hour leisurely reading the paper and drinking my coffee.

I watched Pineapple Express yesterday. Everyone told me what a great movie it was....NOT!  Of course, I should've known better as to listen to people at work who are all stoners....
The movie suxd big time....I enjoyed Beverly Hills Chiwawa better....

Found a new group I like to listen to, although they have been around for a few years they are new to me.  Kings of Leon.  So I downloaded a few of their songs to add to my playlist.  If I play my playlist, it runs all day almost.  Its nice when I'm cleaning house,  I just turn my puter speakers up real loud and dance away the day.

Phillip left this morning to go help Missy hang curtains and pictures, and of course "borrowing" all the necessary items from me.  Two new faucets, towel racks, screws, drill, nails and paintbrushes.  All the stuff I have been accumulating from my job, has slowly been disappearing to furnish the house his gf booted him out of.  
Of course he came home drunk last nite......unemployment cancelled his unemployment bc he walked off the job instead of being laid off or leaving without good cause. 
I told him I don't know why he bothers to do the things for Missy like he does.  And of course he got all pissy and started yelling about he didn't want to hear it. 
He just needs to move on.....there is just too much in life to sit around and  mope about  one lost love.....as long as he is hanging around doing things for her w/o the benefit of a relationship, she'll never take him back.  Although I don't think she will anyway..  they are both way too immature. 
I just pray he will find a job soon, so something else will occupy his mind bc I damn sure cant afford to support him as well as myself now. 

Its gonna be hard to finish out this week as I know its my last 4 days.  Bad enuf I don't do any work when I have to be there......now I really won't want to work!

Well, I guess I'd better find sumthin to do.  Watching movies sounds good right now.  Turn on the a/c and sit back....
and waste another day....

I GOT THE JOB! YAY! 
I start June 1.  I am really excited to start something new,  and making more money.   I just feel bad leaving everyone else behind.  But you gotta do what you gotta do.

It has rained here for a solid week now.....my roof is leaking like a faucet. I had to pull my bed way across the room so it wouldn't get rained on.  My laundry room is a constant state on dripping.....and my living room floor is constantly encased in mud from the dogs going outside.

All the news ever talks about is the rain.  DUH!  Of course these low-lying areas are gonna flood, what else do you expect when you build on top of sinkholes?
I want to move out of Florida so bad.....now that I have a better job and a goal in mind...I plan on going west in two years.  Olivia should be done with school by then, and hopefully Phillip will be settled again.   So build my bedroom now.......LOL

I got a washer today, spent part of my rent money......what little I had.  Bad enuf I didn't have enuf to pay the whole amount, now I don't even have enuf to pay half...

But, I'm not whining. Thats just the way it is.  I am blessed.  And I know things will work out.

I have a roof over my head, or at least a half of roof, food in my cupboards and a job. Thats alot more than others have.  And I have a 4-day weekend!
Look foward to this week......seen ya soon.

Having a great weekend........lets see............its Taylors birthday weekend so spent the weekend with her.
Watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I enjoyed it more than Taylor who didn't even sit still long enuf to watch it.

Made her a little cake, which she refused to blow out the candles.

Took her to the zoo along with Olivia and Phillip.  She and Phillip weren't impressed.  She was whiney as usual. Between having Belinda's and Phillip's genes, she's gonna be one hell of a whiney brat...... Olivia, me and my friend from work and her daughter had a great time.  We stood in the water playground at the end of the day, it was sooooo refreshing.  

Washer decided to take a dump today.......just after I was in the middle of washing my blankets and sheets from my bed....Great!  

Spent way too much money on Taylor for her birthday, plus, missed a days pay due to the fact of a mandatory day off.  So can't give the landlord but maybe half the rent...... Great!!

Spent more money on dogfood that is making Buddy miserable with his allergies.  I spend almost as much for their dogfood as I do for my people food for me for the week.  Even better!!!   I guess if I get hungry I can chow down on some herring and potato crunchy food!!

Have a job interview tommorrow.  Pray it goes well, its with the grocery side of the company I'm with now.  Doing sales and merchandising work for the 7-11 accounts our company just picked up.  Pray hard on that one..........it pays the same wage I get now, plus I would get a $300 car allowance a month in addition to a gas card...please pray hard!!!  
Bad thing I got going for me is my age.......they like to hire young, blond and dumb women for those types of jobs.........boobs sell better than experience.....

Pippy left the house today taking all of his worldly possesions, a tv, 60 dvds and a sledgehammer to try and sell at the pawnshop tommorrow.  I kinda feel sorry for him, bc he's trying like hell to get a job, but his resources are very limited.  The biggest thing holding him back is he can't get his Class A license bc the school wants the money up front.   He got a letter that his previous employer is contesting his unemployment....so most likely he will lose it bc he quit, instead of getting laid off.  He needs to try and move on with his life, bc Missy isn't going to take him back......out of all the baby mama drama between everyone, Belinda made out the best......I guess God does look out for fools, children and idiots.....

Wednesday.......Aggravation.....coming home to find your change jar wiped out by your son.

Tuesday.....Aggravation.....giving $3.00 of your last $4.00 to your son so he can buy cigarettes

Friday.......Aggravation.....overdrafting your bank account by $250 bc you lent your son $20

Lessons....time to start over with a new batch of children.......

I hardly ever write in this bc its such a waste since I have no friends.........but I am quite amused by the other's journals exploits. 
 
Since most of all of my family is out of work and destitute.....I see it only fitting that my company that I currently work for has informed us we have 6 months left of our job before our contract is up, and we will join the ranks of the unemployed. How sweet!  And with all the mandatory days off we have had to take the past few months......makes it even nicer when payday rolls around and I'm short almost half a paycheck.....makes nice to pay the bills with no money. And what is so ironic, is the company is expanding and hiring for Arizona and Cali.
So, I could have a good opportunity to transfer if I had the means.

Not that it matters since I already have 2 kids living with me who aren't working........and a granddaughter part time.....who will incidently turn 3 this month....how time flies! 
And Aaron,  who will be a senior this coming fall!  And turn 18!   And still won't drive....says it scares him.  Don't know what he's gonna do when he graduates, I guess live at home with Grandpa.

All of us, Olivia, Phillip, Aaron, Taylor and myself are going on an excursion this weekend to see the replicas of the Columbus ships in Ponce Inlet, and swing by and see the lighthouse too.  I am looking foward  to it,  

Nicky and Jason are almost  due for their baby, at the end of June,  which they have decided to name, Cathyana Nicole.  Cathy, after Nicky's mom, and Nicole is Nicky's middle name. 

Olivia starts her nursing program finally in August.......the last and final leg of her 5 years of college......what an accomplishment!  Never would've thought that when she was slopping hamburgers together at Wendy's many years ago......

Hopefully, by the time Olivia graduates, I can move my ass to Arizona and Shane will be able to follow thru with his plan on putting all the crazies together and have 10 kids(artificially, of course)and we all can live fat and sassy off the government.
Hey, it doesn't sound too bad now!

What do my stars say about me?
 

Give up yourself, and you will find your real
self.
Lose your life and you will save it.
Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite
wishes every day and death of your whole
body in the end: submit with every fibre of your
being, and you will find eternal life.
 Keep back nothing.
Nothing that you have not given away
will ever be really yours.
Nothing in you that
has not died will ever be raised from the dead.
Look for yourself, and you will find in the long
run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin,
and decay.
But look for Christ and you will find
Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

- C.S. LEWIS, FROM MERE CHRISTIANITY

OMG!!! I watched Mama Mia last nite and actually liked it.........I think I must have a recessive gay gene.

Proverbs 3:1-8

My son, do not forget my law,
But let your heart keep my commands;
For length of days and long life
And peace they will add to you.

Let not mercy and truth forsake you;
BInd them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart,
And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways ackowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and depart from evil.
It will be health to your flesh,
And strength to your bones.

Proverbs 3:11-12

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor detest his correction;
For whom the Lord loves He corrects,
Just as a father the son in whom he delights.

Life is not always fair, but God is always faithful.


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword? As it is written:

  " For your sake we are killed all day long;
   We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39