Current mood:

bitchy

If only the voices in my head would go away...
Well, what can I bitch about today?  LOTS......starting with yesterday....

Come home yesterday, of which the weather was sizzling, but I'm sure in no comparison to your 106 degrees..but, none the less, came home to a mess on the porch and house bc Phillip had Taylor overnite.  And of course he doesn't know how to pick things up....
Come into the house, I swear steam was rising thru the walls and floors.  no dogs.  Then I got worried bc the back door was open and thought  they may have escaped.  But no, my answer was in the kitchen, they had a garbage party.  No one bothered to put the trash out, so they feasted on leftovers.  Had to sweep and vacuum and mop,  meanwhile sweating my balls off,  if I had some. 
Had an hours worth of paperwork and downloads to do for my job......of which I was already exhausted. All I wanted to do was lay down and take a nap.  The only positive thing was I was by myself yesterday afternoon and its a good thing no one was home, bc you might have seen me on the news.  

Then today, started off very well.  Was happy, in a good mood....but for some reason I turned all Jekyll and Hyde. I started thinking about the email I got from what was my friend Courtney last week.  The more I thought about it, the madder I got.  It  just grated on my last nerve all morning.  Don't know why,  Delayed reaction maybe.  Then I was nasty as all get out to Gary, took all my anger and frustration out on him.  And I kept telling him I was sorry, but kept doing it.  Finally he told me he wasn't going to talk to me until I was in a better mood and apologized.  Of which I did later and explained to him why, but still haven't heard from him.  It rained literally ALL DAY.   Not the sprinkles you can run thru, but raining buckets.  Not only did I have to drive in it all day, I had to run into each store.  Sat more in my car than working.  And the area was in is one I am not fond of.....the trail, need I explain?  Not just the trail, but every dothead rinky dink convenience store from I-4 to Sandlake.  Honestly, they are not as bad as I make them....but, they are messy, dirty and hot bc they never use the a/c and it always smells like curry.  Last week I was in one, and got so sick to my stomach I had to run out to my car and just sit in the a/c.  They are just trying to make a living too....but they never abide by the contract they sign, then you ask them about it, they always have an excuse.  Meanwhile, they are buying their stuff from Sam's or Costco, which is against the contract rules, but you cant prove it. 
Finally, I got a break, my DM on the Gatorade side wanted me to go help w/a reset, which was fine.....got my mind off things and gave me a chance to get out of the rain.  
SO, I'm on my way home, got to stop at the store and buy milk, as usual......go to the Aldi store, reach to get a quarter, bc they charge for a shopping cart.  Guess what?  Phillip took all my change and the last dollar I had in the car this past weekend while I was gone...should I be surprized?  Why would it be any different?  I would love right now just to pack my bags and say, I'm outta here.  But running away is not the answer, but seething in my anger isn't either.   I am out of patience and things to say to Phillip.....I pray every morning for God to take the anger and bitterness out of my heart.....everytime I see him I just want to beat the shit out of him. What bothers me is that he seems to have no conscience about the things he does. He seems to think its alright to just take money from me and pawn my things. Why would anyone treat someone like that?  I just don't understand? Is it not enough I go out of my way to help him and always, without fail, I get kicked in the ass?  What the hell lesson am I learning?

I can only look forward to this next week, as I will be on vacation.  I hope the hell I can at least get the chance  to get away from here.  I need it desperately. 
So, we are both experiencing our own kinds of frustrations.....hopefully, they will amend themselves....